They weren't kidding when they talk about mood swings during pregnancy! I might not have morning sickness or major cravings or any of that yet, but zee mood zwings...zey are OUT OF CONTROL!
I've always been an up an down kinda gal. Feeling the highest highs and crying the biggest tears, but this had got me completely discombobulated. I'm trying to make decisions and plan for our future and since I'm not telling the rest of the world about TNG (the baby...re: The Next Generation) for at least another 2 weeks, I feel like I'm lying to everyone, and I hate lying. Which has got me feeling down right horrible all of the time.
The mild nausea doesn't help, as I've mentioned before, I associate nausea with a gut feeling that something is wrong, so one of my decision making gauges is off and has thrown me for a total loop.
How am I supposed to make decisions in my career and for my future when I can't trust my own feelings, my decisions or my reactions to anything? Heck, maybe I don't even really want to make a change, and it's this crazy roller coaster that's starting the decision making process for me?
So add a huge dose of wacky emotions to the whole pot and I'm feeling almost constantly nauseous and miserable with tears plaguing my evenings.
Me, the girl who thinks of herself as Miss Suzie-Sunshine, Pollyanna, Mary Poppins, feeling horrible and miserable all the time. I'm just completely out of my element.
So this morning I am making a concerted effort to do and think and say positive things. I am going to think gratitude. I am going to turn my frown upside-down. If I feel like crying for the sake of crying, by all means, I'll let it out. But when there's something substantial driving it I'm going to work on turning the thoughts and feelings towards the upside.
Negative thoughts into positive thoughts. Questioning why into thankful gratitude. Worry and stress into breathing and peace. It does not feel like an easy task at the moment, the further down a dark path you travel, the further you have to walk back, but I know that the first part is taking a step in a positive direction :)
So, come on feet, here we goooooo... :)
With Love
~sarah~
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Location:Fisher Ave,Ottawa,Canada
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