Into the final stretch...

I say that now, but really...the final stretch will either be the week before my due date, or the week AFTER if TNG is late!

But I do feel like I'm coming into the next phase of my pregnancy. I have started to "feel" pregnant, which I haven't really felt up until this point. Don't get me wrong, I am aware of TNG kicking, and my body changing little by little, my midnight trips to the bathroom and the difficulty getting up from down. But everything is becoming more pronounced now.

My tummy is finally feeling round and full of life. TNG's kicks and movements are more intelligent and structured. My body is starting to ache and shift. My ankles are swelling. It's amazing how swollen ankles is one of the un-sexiest feelings in the world! I could be dressed to the nines, feel absolutely fantastic and well rested from head to toe, but to look down and see swollen ankles...blargh...I just feel like a blob. The good thing is that they remind me to get up and walk around frequently, stretch my legs out regularly and stay hydrated. All positive things that I should be doing anyway...but the reminder of the ankles definitely helps.

I've also been having a strange sensation; the feeling of something touching my cervix. TMI for anyone who doesn't like personal female details...but I compare it to the feeling of the Q-tip on my cervix during an internal exam. I've googled it a bit and asked a couple of people and it sounds like it's TNG. Whether just TNG's head moving around, or maybe TNGs fingers touching it. It only bothers me when I'm standing and gets worse when I'm walking. But whatever it is, it is uncomfortable, and makes me think of when you hit your funny bone. It doesn't hurt so much...it just feels weird and you want it to stop. So I do some hip shaking and wiggling and it tends to stop. Which is quite a sight in public! ;)

And then there's my hands. I've never been slim fingered, having inherited my grandfather's short and stubby hands. My fingers aren't really swelling all that much, they've always had this look, but in the middle of the night they feel like balloons and they ache. I'm just grateful that they don't bother me during the day and I can type away and get work done. But making a fist first thing in the morning is excrutiating.

My eating has also become challenged. I'm starving most of the time, and I love sweet treats, but they cause me mild acid reflux in my throat, so I try to avoid them most of the time, or chase them with tums. I definitely crave comfort foods, anything with hamburger and potato or pasta or rice ... mmmm carbs ... is a go! But I feel like I could eat buckets of food, and then I can't because there's no room. Sometimes I'll only have a little and feel like I'll be sick, because it's all just sitting on top. Nothing severe, but definitely not the most comfortable of feelings.

But I am also so blessed by the amount of support I have right now. I see my massage therapist every two weeks and she's a god-send. Our hypnobirthing coach is wonderful and provides me with so much advice and help. We have just hired our doula and I can't wait to start our appointments with her. She has attended 300 births and is so knowledgeable and supportive. Then there are our fantastic midwives. I am so happy with how connected and comfortable we feel with our birth team.

I know most of this post could be seen as the complaints and discomforts of pregnancy, but they're all to be expected. Changes have to happen and they're all happening to prepare the way and for me to give birth to this amazing life inside of me. It's a pretty mid-blowing thing. I try not to overthink it for fear my emotions will get the better of me, which they do very regularly these days. But I'm excited for the amazing journey my body is on, and the final lap it will run on it's own. Because that's my plan...my body knows what to do...everything up to this point is getting ready for the "big day" and when that day comes, I hope to be able to say "okay body...this ones your's...I've prepared us as best I can, but you know what to do".

with love
~sarah~

Just how much to share?

I work in an elementary school. I am the office administrator. My views are mine, but I represent a very public organization and I work with kids. I don't go by my real name on Facebook or Twitter because of this. I don't want "the opinions expressed" to affect my daily environment, although I will express these same opinions in the work place, it's just not AS public and AS up for attack as if they're out there on the World Wide Web (do we still call it that?). Plus I choose which individuals with whom I feel safe sharing.

I'm also very pregnant. I'm 34.5 weeks pregnant (only 5.5 to go...if TNG is on time). Many parts of being pregnant are TMI...the feelings, the fluids, the sensations, the emotions, the struggles, the joy, the thoughts, and I can go on. Again, this is stuff I share with friends, family and co-workers alike, but there is something extremely public about putting it all out there on my blog.

But that's what blogging is all about, right? Talking about what I know, what I'm going through, what my day/week/experience was about.

And I WANT to blog about it, I'm just...afraid...afraid that it could affect my job...afraid it could make me a target for hate, anger and judgement.

I think this fear is what has been holding me back in really letting loose on my blog. I think I'd be a great regular blogger, I've just got cold feet.

BUT...I'm removing myself from the work force for a year while on mat leave. Who knows...maybe I won't have time to sit and blog once TNG makes their appearance and all of this will be moot? Or maybe being out of the daily public eye at work will give me more courage to speak up?

And maybe this post alone with make me comfortable enough to blog about the pinching sensation I've been having near my cervix which I've been dying to blog about...because I can't be alone in this through pregnancy?